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What it’s Like

The banner flashes on the TV. “Breaking News.” Another bombing. It’s somewhere I’ve never been, rarely heard of and probably cannot find on an unlabeled map, but still, I clench my jaw and think, “What a shame?”. It’s like a stranger knocking on the door of my home. I...

Not What I Had Planned

There’s a story in family about my great-great-great grandfather, who was a watchman on a bridge. He was swept off the bridge and died. My Grandmother, Mary, his daughter had a dream that his coffin was floating down the street and he told her he needed someone to...

Ego Stroking

Well, I wore some see-through yoga pants to hot yoga the other day. I realized my unfortunate wardrobe choice as I was in a high, right lunge with my right shoulder under my right leg, hands out-stretched, in airplane. I was feeling pretty good about the whole...

Shavasana, Siesta, Sleep

All those words have so much in common (starting with "s," meaning "rest") with each other and nothing in common with me. I don't really even know what to call it any longer. It's been so long since I've slept - like, a full night's slumber - restful, rejuvenating,...

Fear is Just a Reminder

This is the most terrifying thing I have ever done. EVER. I lost my kid in a corn maze. I jumped from a plane. I had life-saving, emergency surgery. I swam with sharks. I spoke in front of 5,000+ people. One time, I even got to watch a meth lab get busted. I was...

New Beginnings Years in the Making

I don't know what happened. I woke up one morning in November and just felt so broken. On the outside, everything was fine, but on the inside I had crumbled into tiny pieces and I couldn't hold them together any longer. It was bad. I went through an 8-wk period of...

Deviating from the Plan

I'm sitting next to Wade's hospital bed. He just had sinus surgery and he's in recovery...being more of a smartass than normal. There's a little kid across the room from us and I just can't imagine having to go through any type of surgery with a little one. Definitely...

Road Warrior

I just got home from a quick trip to Rochester. It was a good trip...I crammed 4 days of work into 2, but it was good. I don't have a lot of time to think about what I accomplish, much less be proud of myself for what I do on a day to day basis. When I stop to...

Rhythm

Just trying to get into a rhythm here...you know, blogging every day. Today, I think I want to talk about our move to NY. It is quite different than I expected (in the best way possible), the hardest thing I've ever done and the most fun thing I've ever done.I feel...

Still Learning…mostly the hard way

I'm definitely still learning. How about you?!?It seems that just when I feel I have a firm grip on life and what I can expect as "normal" it suddenly changes. I don't want to say this in a way that insinuates that life happens to me, or come off as a victim of...

Back in the Saddle

I thought I'd breathe some new life into this blog.  It's only been 2 years since I last wrote...A lot has changed.  A. LOT.There's a whole new baby. Elijah Lloyd Graf.He is an absolute joy and the perfect addition to our family. We live in New York. New...

Puppy Lions

Miss Jayne just loves her puppies!  She lovingly opens her mouth to receive their kisses...I know, I know, but what can you do?She squeals for their attention when she's in her bouncer and sticks out that pouty, bottom lip when mommy makes them go away. ...

Baby On the Run

This baby is growing so quickly.  We took a very quick trip to Ohio and she came home sitting up with 2 teeth!We left Wednesday evening and she was terrible on the plane for about 15 minutes and then she fell asleep and was totally fine.  We landed at about...

Where Have YOU Been?

I know. I know.It's been far too long since my last post.I don't even know where to start.Let me try to do a quick update here:1. Jayne is AWESOME2. My health is much closer to normal3. Wade is fighting through some challenges at work4. I am fighting through some...

Facing Front

It's been a while...It's been crazy...CRAZY FUN!!!Jayne is growing up so quickly.  She laughs, smiles, holds up her head and is just the coolest thing on the planet.  I'm so lucky to be her mom.We've been having a real blast every single day (now that's...

Shots on Jayne

Tough day.  Jayne got her 1st shots.She screamed and spit up her entire bottle.  I want to take her pain away, but this is just the first of many times that I'll have to be a spectator as her life unfolds and we reach new milestones or encounter new...

More Than Surviving

This baby stuff is HARD!  But it's really fun because everyday is so new.  Every single day is a logistical and endurance challenge and I LOVE challenges!  I know we'll have some really terrible days.  In fact, we already have, but I wouldn't trade...

What to call it

I don't even know what to call this blog...Chaos?  Exhaustion?  Confusion?  Frustration? I'm Sorry? All would be appropriate.The medical issues are continuing.  I found out today that I have a staph infection.  This is actually good...