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It’s been a difficult morning.  I started my period yesterday.  I knew I was going to so I wasn’t upset when I took 2 pregnancy tests that were negative and when I got the final blow, a bit of blood to signify my cycle was starting over.  The difficulty came at the doctor’s office.

He walked in as I was sitting there, naked from the waste down except for my socks, covered in a paper sheet, ready to be “wanded” and said in a really soft sweet voice, “Well, you’re not pregnant.”  Duh!  We are going to try IUI this round and if this doesn’t work, I’ll have a laproscopy and we’ll go from there.  It was just a reality check.  I can’t believe we’re actually to this point.  I had always felt comfortable talking about it, but now that it’s here it’s like I’m in a dream.  Thankfully, the IUI is only $260 and the laproscopy will be covered by insurance.  The IVF; however, is another story…an expensive one.

Wade is staying so positive.  He’s keeping my spirits up by saying that this is all very exciting because we’re moving forward and learning new things and always getting one step closer.  I just feel broken and frustrated.  I’m praying a lot and crying some, it feels good.  I feel hopeful sometimes…for a few seconds and then it goes away.  Trying to string some of those moments together…


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