I am so happy about my inspiration. It’s such a strange feeling though. There are things that make me miserable, but I just figured out how I can use them to empower myself. Imagine taking pain and turning it into material. That’s what I want to do. I want to find a more effective channel for these feelings. Oh, this is certainly risky, but I can’t afford not to do it. For years, I’ve prayed and prayed for the right topic, the right motivation and ive been given them. Granted, they have been earned over time. But, to finally feel worthy of telling the story that I have is the BEST gift God could ever give me. It’s a burden and a relief all at the same time. It makes all this worth it. I could never begin to divulge what it’s been like up to this point, but to have gone through it and be given a way out, it’s glorious. I feel like a wrongly convicted prisoner that has been freed.
I have been given a tool that immediately changes the way I think, the way I process everything that happens in my life. Of course, it seems so simple, but I had to go through the pain, the insecurity and the hurt to get here. In retrospect, I cannot see myself putting up with all that has happened, but now I know why I could never let it go. What happens from here? I have no idea. The difference, though, is that I’m okay with that. I see the ultimate purpose for all of it and now, it means something!
On another note, I’m sitting in the backyard listening to music that, from the second I heard it, I knew it was speaking to my soul. It’s not about the lyrics, even though they feel perfect. It’s about the sounds. The guitar and drums seem to reach into the darkest parts of me and make me okay with them. Jimmi Hendrix turns me inside-out and I feel so blesses to have found this music a such a young age. In fact, I believe I was in 6th grade when I found Jimmie. I was looking through my Dad’s cd’s and I saw a deep, reddish, orange picture with a man on it. His eyes spoke to me and I put it in. Electric Lady Land changed my life. I loved each track so much that I couldn’t even listen to one in it’s entirety before I moved onto the next. The sounds were so soulful. I didn’t leave that cd in my dad’s cd player. That’s honestly the best gift he’s ever given me and I don’t think he ever knew that I took it.
Well, I suppose that’s all I have for this evening…