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I’ll just come out and say it…

I’M STRUGGLING.

I have tried to be so calm and so strong for somlong, but this is the final straw. After a couple of drinks and donating my poker to chips to get out of playing Texas Hold ‘Em, I came back to my room to go to sleep. As soon as I got to my room, I went to check my personal phone. I had a txt. It was from Mike and I didn’t even need to open it to know what it said. I put the phone down and just started crying. Grammie, his grandmother, had passed away. I put the phone down and got in the shower, leaving the text message unchecked. I was fine at first, but then the tears came flowing out of me. I sat down and sobbed uncontrollably in the shower until I worried I would pass out. For 10 minutes, I tried to collect myself and then I stood up and dried myself off. I went to my phone to confirm what I already knew.

Grammie always made me feel loved and validated and I know she respected my decisions. She was a very strong woman and I have so much respect for her. Every time I feel like I’m coming out of my slump, something pulls the rug right out from under me and I find myself back in the depths of despair. I need to catch a break. I need it bad. I need good news. I need a hug. I need someone to understand it all.

Uuuuuuuuggggghhhhhhhhhhh

Miserable in South Bend and would much prefer to be miserable at home.

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