I actually wrote this on 11/8
Well, hello there!
It’s been a while since I’ve blogged, but I’ve definitely missed it so, now I’ll begin on a new blogging journey. This one is for family and close friends and I hope you enjoy it! For today, I just wanted to share something I wrote a couple of weeks ago. I’m not feeling like writing too much at the moment, so this will have to do.
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10/26/10…
Last night, I prayed for inspiration. This morning, I found out that one of my dogs died. It was sudden. Apparently she was chasing Frisbees down at full speed on Sunday. I don’t really know what to say about that, but it does require clarification on my end. Millie was my dog, whom I shared with my ex-husband. When we separated, I knew that he NEEDED to keep the dogs. He had a bond with them like nothing I’ve ever seen. They absolutely adored him and I’m not ashamed to say that I often questioned whether he loved me as much as he loved those dogs. I loved those dogs that much. I’ve said many times that leaving the dogs was a lot harder than leaving the man. I meant no offense to my ex, it’s just that those were some pretty awesome dogs. For months after our separation, I would cry when I heard a dog bark. They were my life and I loved them so much.
Millie was the kindest, sweetest soul. All she ever wanted in the whole world was to cuddle. She didn’t like strangers, but she loved her mom and dad. She was a timid, curious and unfortunately, she was always very sick. I was shocked to hear that she died, but not surprised that she had a short life. Millie was only 5 years old. My ex is devastated. He told me that Millie is what got him through our divorce. I already knew that…that’s why I left them without a fight. It just hurt to know that such a sweet, sweet soul won’t be there for him. To be honest, I haven’t seen them since Feb 8, 2008. It’s been incredibly difficult, but as they say, the right thing to do isn’t always the easiest.
So, back to my prayers. I’m going to write a book. I’ve known this for many years. It’s inside and I just have to get it on to paper. I prayed for the inspiration/courage to start writing last night and I woke up to that terrible news. It made me think: inspiration isn’t always pretty, is it?
Great artists have been inspired by ugly, painful, terrifying things. So, Millie’s death isn’t necessarily my inspiration, but my catalyst. Why not start writing now? Who knows what tomorrow holds?
I know that, today, I’ve been forced to reflect upon some pretty serious decision that I’ve made throughout the past 5 years; all the way back to buying Millie (short for Million Dollar Baby…ironic). I feel like I made my decisions with my heart and that makes me feel good. My choices weren’t to spite, or to hurt. My choices were filled with love and hope and that’s really all I could ever ask for. That’s what I’ll pray for tonight. I don’t need any more “inspiration” for a while.
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I did also want to give everyone a quick update on my job hunt. I heard back from the International Bowling Campus today and they went in a different direction. I also heard from Southwest and they went with someone younger…who would benefit more from the opportunity. Ever heard of age discrimination at 28???
Although both were great opportunities and I was pretty excited about Southwest, I never got that “gut feeling” that I get when I know I’m headed in the right direction. I’ve been reading some philosophy lately and I firmly believe that feeling is the voice of our souls. When we don’t listen, our journey to fulfillment becomes and little longer and a little harder.
Okay…all for now. My goal is 500 words/day. Please forgive me for “recycling” from previous works.
Blessings.